i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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