There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she smelled like a LAN party
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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