im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
zippers are such a cool invention
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
