Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
