i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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