We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
