Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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