shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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