dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
