Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
