hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
