You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
