After last night, I could never be a politician.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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