it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
