tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
