they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
