Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
