My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just threw up on my dentist
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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