i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
