This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
MIDGETS
????
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
