Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
