I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
time to smoke my breakfast
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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