So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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