I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
