Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
