shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
