i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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