I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
