uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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