it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
