you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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