I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
