I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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