I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
