Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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