I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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