I got chris browned last night
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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