he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
