You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
