This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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