You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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