we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
