oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
