put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
