Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize