Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
