Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
