I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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