the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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