I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
