I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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