So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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