I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
