i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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