You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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