so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
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The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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