after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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