please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize