i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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