When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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