I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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