So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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