just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
